If you’re like most people, when your spouse cheats on you, you feel a mixture of multiple feelings. You feel hurt, disappointed, angry, and so much more. Perhaps you want to forgive your spouse or find a way to make your marriage work anyway. Maybe you just want to get it over with already.
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Whatever the case, when your spouse is cheating, one question will nag at you: why?
Spouses don’t just become unfaithful for the heck of it. Knowing why your spouse did will help you to find a place of peace for yourself and allow you to move on healthily or to rebuild and repair your relationship.
So get to the bottom of it. Understand why your spouse was unfaithful.
Here are 10 common reasons for infidelity:
Your Relationship Is On The Rocks
It may sound obvious, but when your relationship is in bad shape, your spouse may be thinking that it’s over. Or, he or she may feel like you don’t love each other so the rules of a loving relationship have been thrown out the window. Basically, when your relationship is bad, it makes you more “affair-ready.”
You Haven’t Been Intimate Often
Sex is a part of life that most people desire and crave. It’s wired into people. So, when the sex goes downhill in frequency or in terms of pleasure, your spouse is more likely to seek to find sexual fulfillment elsewhere. It can honestly be that simple.
You Don’t Make Him Or Her Feel Welcomed
Your marriage may seem fine. You both may get along fine, do your duties, sleep together, and otherwise act happily married. However, if you are not close emotionally or your marriage just “is” instead of exciting you both, then you and your spouse may stop feeling the love or even feeling welcomed by each other. As a result, your spouse may look elsewhere to feel more wanted.
Your Spouse Has An Unmet Need
Besides feeling emotionally unwanted, your spouse may have other needs that he or she feels you are not meeting. Having an affair can make those needs less obvious to them or can even fulfill those needs that you are not. Common unmet needs include:
- Praise
- A listening ear
- Support
- Affection
- Excitement
You Have Different Morals
As unpleasant as it is, the fact of the matter for some couples is that they have different moral standards. Your spouse may not have as a big a problem with cheating as you do. He or she may also define “affair” very differently.
Your Spouse Gave Into Temptation
Sometimes affairs don’t stem out of something wrong in your marriage. In some cases, they are a matter of temptation and convenience. For example, a man who travels often with a female co-worker may begin to develop feelings for her simply because she is present and they share so much. An attractive man may swoon your wife and she may get caught up in the moment. Healthy boundaries can help your spouse to resist this sort of temptation.
Your Spouse Is Getting Back At You
If you have cheated before or have something that otherwise hurt your spouse, he or she may be unfaithful just to hurt you back. Adults can be petty, too, even though it’s immature and unfortunate. When you know you have hurt your spouse, work on finding a resolution agreeable to him or her so that revenge is not as desirable.
Your Spouse Is Insecure
Although it may sound backwards, an insecure spouse might have an affair as a part of overcompensating for what they believe they lack. A woman who has gained weight might cheat on her husband to prove to herself that she is still attractive, for instance.
Often, spouses who cheat out of insecurity feel that:
- You or they have changed
- They aren’t measuring up sexually, physically, or otherwise
- No one notices them
- They are too boring
Your Spouse Has Made Other Bad Choices
Environmental factors can have an influence on a person’s judgment and choices. Drinking, for instance, can cause a person to lose self-control and do things he or she otherwise would be inhibited not too –like cheating on you. Drugs, alcohol, poor choices of friends, and even staying out very late alone with someone when tired or emotional are all poor choices that can lead to even worse decisions.
Your Spouse Has A Problem
Even though it is not the case for most couples, sometimes a spouse cheats because they have a serious problem. Wives might cheat with men who are holding something over their head and demanding sex. Men with sexual addictions may have affairs. It’s also a possibility that someone cheats because of a personality disorder. In cases like these, other symptoms will be present besides the infidelity.