A new relationship – there is nothing like it! The butterflies, the dates, the conversations – there is no other feeling like it in the world! Initially, the relationship seems perfect and everything is going smoothly without issue. However, there does come a point in time when it is necessary to define the relationship and decide if you guys would like to make things completely official. Being in the infatuation stage, your judgement can be clouded and it is easy to jump into something without completely thinking through everything. So before you take the plunge, here are a few questions before you enter a new relationship!
Are You Ready for This Relationship?
This first question is so important, but it is also a question that some people struggle to answer in the beginning. Analyze yourself for a moment: are you in a good place in your life? Have you become dependent on this person or put them on a pedestal in your life? Have you gotten over past relationships? Asking yourself these questions and answering honestly will help you to better understand where you are mentally and emotionally and give you solid proof as to whether or not you can handle a serious, committed relationship at this point. If you realize that you are not in the position to take on the relationship, there is nothing wrong with holding off on the commitment and continuingly to casually date the person until you do feel comfortable. Just make sure to discuss your feelings with the said person so you two can be on the same page.
Can You Be Yourself in This Relationship?
The second relationship question you should ask is are you able to be yourself when you are with your potentially significant other? Do you feel comfortable enough around them to tell them anything and everything? Do you fear judgement from them? Are they aware of your various interests and talents? Do you feel the need to hold back? If you are holding back from your partner, you need to sit and think about why this is happening. If you cannot be comfortable and yourself around someone, that is a huge red flag and you do not need to go any further into the relationship. When looking for a relationship, it is vital that you guys are able to establish some sort of friendship. People who are in a relationship are able to talk to each other, communicate effectively, and be completely honest. If you guys can master being friends, you can do anything.
Do Your Goals and Morals Match Up?
Here is a piece of advice for those seeking to enter a new relationship: before you even consider committing to someone, take inventory of their goals and values. Do they value marriage? What is their stance on premarital sex? Where do they see themselves in five or ten years from now? These are the kinds of questions you need to be paying attention to from the very beginning. There are tons of people who have gotten married and realized that their goals do not match those of their spouse or some realized that they did not want to be married in the first place! So to save yourself some time and possibly even some money, check your facts in the very beginning!
Do Your Families Like Each Other?
It can be assumed that, since you guys are seeking to enter a committed relationship, you two have met each other's families. A person's family can say a lot about who the person is and what kind of relationship you two could possibly have. In addition to paying close attention to your significant other's family, look at your own family. What is the dynamic? Do you have a generally healthy or positive relationship with members of your family? This can help you analyze your readiness and help you see things you could do differently in your relationship with your significant other. Also, your family may see something in that person that you did not!
Do Your Friends Like Each Other?
Speaking of family, your significant other's relationship with your friends is a big deal also. Your friends know you just as well, if not better, than your family, so if they catch something that seems off, you can rest assure that they will be honest and let you know. If your significant other cannot get along with a friend who typically gets along with all of the people you bring around, something is definitely off. Another thing to consider is whether or not you have introduced your significant other to your friends. If not, why is that? The reason behind it could be a huge indicator of the state of your relationship and whether or not you need to move forward with it.
How Do You Feel In This Relationship?
Be real with yourself: are you truly happy with this person? Do you feel apprehensive about introducing them to your friends and family? Do they make you feel any negative emotions when you two are together? How do you speak of them when they are not around? Have a heart-to-heart with yourself and really be honest. If you honestly cannot feel happy when you think about getting into a relationship with this person, it is best to leave it alone altogether.
How is Your Communication?
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Just think about it: the majority of people who enter therapy and seek advice to improve their relationships all tend to have a communication issue. The number one piece of advice couples who have been together for years give is to work on your communication. When you are in a relationship for a certain period of time, disagreements and miscommunication are bound to happen. If your communication is not up to par, simple misunderstandings will quickly turn into heated debates that could potentially put your relationship on thin ice. If you find that you and the person you are dating do not communicate effectively or do other things rather than communicate, you really need to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
What Draws You to Each Other?
Figuring out what initially attracted you two to each other can be a good indicator of whether or not this relationship is going to last. If you realize that the person never comes around when things get hard or you always call them when you are bored and want to go out, then this should show you that you guys are dating for the wrong reasons. Look at how you guys met or how you guys have dealt with problems together. If you realize that you guys are only together for convenience or boredom, walk away. You want someone who wants to be with you because they truly care, not because they can get money or a free meal out of you.
How Do You Guys Handle Arguments?
This question goes right along with the topic of communication. If you guys do not know how to talk to each other casually, what makes you think you can properly settle a dispute? Do you guys argue over simple things like what TV show to watch or what the other person is wearing? Do your arguments get violent? If these things have happened, then you need to exit the relationship immediately; it is not healthy! Healthy couples sit down and talk things out, rather than walking away from the situation and/or letting emotions take over.
Do You Know Exactly How the Other Person Feels?
Finally, make sure you and the person you are dating are on the same page. You may know that you want something more with them, but do they know that? Do you know what their feelings toward the relationship are? Sit down and have a talk with them so you guys can be on the same page and completely understand what is really happening between you two. You do not want to go through all the work of analyzing, examining, and making a decision only to learn that the person you are dating is not even thinking on that level or interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
So, there you have it! Ask yourself these 10 questions and you will be sure to come up with a logical decision for your relationship! Every relationship is different, so just because one person goes through these questions and realizes that they do not need to pursue their own relationship does not mean that yours is doomed! Really take the time to think through things and examine your significant other and yourself; this impacts your personal happiness! As long as you stay true to yourself, whatever conclusion you come too will be the best one for you, no doubt!