I don’t know about you, but for years I believed men would be more attracted to me if I demonstrated how independent I was. My misguided and (as I later discovered) totally untrue belief drove me to be the most “hassle free” kind of gal any man could be in relationship with.
I would immediately open my own door, pay for my half of the bill, arrange my own transportation to meet men on dates etc… And, in relationship, Inever asked for help, support or for what I wanted.
Personally, It makes me cringe to think of how I used to show up – knowing what I do about men now. What this behaviour ultimately did was send a strong message to men thatI didn’t need them.
Am I describing you?
If I am, you’re not alone. Almost every woman I coach and meet is unconsciously sending this message to men on some level. The root of this is the numerous limiting beliefs we have activated that we’ve learned, inherited and continue pass on.
Once we entered the workforce, we were thrilled to finally feel independent (often for the first time in our life). However, if this independence is not balanced with receiving, it has a negative impact on our love life. Men are confused about their role, don’t feel useful and women have become burnt out from producing all we need on our own.
Today, I’m revealing the 7 most common limiting beliefs about independence I’ve observed, and supporting you with super short “TRUTH bombs” to help you shift them. If you choose to fully embrace this, you will be the most attractive woman in any room where men are present – promise!
1. You can do things faster/better then men
Yes – you absolutely can – but it doesn’t mean you should. TRUTH: It rocks a man’s world to produce/ do/ fix things – whether it’s the kitchen sink or your issues at work. Step aside and let him play that role.
2. Need to prove your independent and can take care of yourself
As I shared – this was mine for a long time. TRUTH: men are not impressed – or attracted to fiercely independent women. Make him feel needed.
3. Fear of being perceived as weak (if you “need” things)
This one started when we entered the workforce. Love relationships are NOT business. TRUTH: Men’s perspective on this is the more a woman wants the more attractive she is!
4. You are not worthy or desirable enough to ask a man for what you want
TRUTH: You are. Period.
5. I’ll ask for too much and he’ll leave me
TRUTH: You are built to receive. Men love to produce. In fact, if you knew how much men want to please you, you would be asking for a LOT more. As long as you follow up everything with appreciation, he’ll remain a production junkie.
6. You will “owe” a man if he does something for you
This belief plays out usually when the bill arrives on a first date – you think men will expect sex if he pays. TRUTH: the only thing you “owe” a man after he does something for you is a smile and thank you..:)
7. You’re Afraid of giving up control
This is connected with # 1 (no one can do things better then you, so better do it yourself). TRUTH: It’s better to allow a man to do something for you imperfectly rather then risk leaving himfeelinghe’s not needed.
I realize my “truths” might be triggering you – that’s why I refer to them as “bombs”..:) If that’s the case, know this is a good sign. Whatever is kicked up – use that as a loving launch pad to see what inner mindset shifts you can make.
Oh! And I **highly** recommend sharing this article with the men in your life for validation on my points – will make for some pretty juicy conversation starters!