Sex can be a truly great thing. But what do you do if you’re just not in the mood, and it’s been a long time since you have been? As people age, it’s relatively common for them to lose their sex drive. But although it’s common, it doesn’t mean that it’s a given. There are plenty of ways to boost your desire and increase your sex drive, no matter your age.
1. Get More Sleep
Sleep is critical to life, and it’s also necessary to a good sex life. When you don’t get enough sleep, you experience fatigue and sleepiness, and this can decrease your level of interest in sex. Additionally, being low on sleep can make you tense and stressed, leading to an unfortunate state called “tense tiredness” (which may just be the least sexy mood possible). But getting more sleep won’t just boost your sex drive. It may also help to boost your immune system, improve your mood and generally put zest back into your life.
Stress and anxiety can affect sexual desire and performance in both men and women. Whether it comes from work, family problems, or chemical issues, stress is a major libido killer. Any way that you can reduce anxiety will help to boost your libido. Whether it involves working through issues with a therapist, practicing yoga, doing deep breathing exercises, petting a happy dog, or just taking a walk, finding inner peace can also help you find your inner sexy.
A lack of lubrication can make sex chafing, irritating and painful, which all rank pretty low on the list of adjectives you want associated with sex. A lack of vaginal lubrication is very common among menopausal women, but it also is very natural for pre-menopausal women to experience this. There’s no shame in getting some help from over the counter lubricants. When sex is more pleasurable, you may find that this in itself will boost your sex drive.
Being sedentary isn’t great for feeling sexy. A body at rest tends to remain at rest, and motion is necessary for good sex. Exercise is great at improving blood flow, improving body image, and increasing your levels of happy hormones, and it can even increase your testosterone levels. Add all of this together, and it means a sex drive increase. Some studies suggest that yoga may be particularly helpful, as it combines exercise with deep breathing and general de-stressing. If that weren’t enough, it stimulates blood flow to the genitals, which could make for better erections and orgasms.
However, be aware that more exercise does not always equal sexier. If your workouts are running you into the ground and you’re not giving yourself time to recover, you could actually end up with your exercise habits reducing your libido. If you find that this is happening, just take a few rest days and tone down your workouts a little in the future.
5. Check Your Meds
A surprising number of medications can interfere with your sex drive, including anti-depressants, the pill, SSRIs, SNRIs, anti-hypertensives, and a host of other drugs. Increasing sex drive may be as simple as just talking to your doctor and finding a new drug without the unfortunate sexual side-effects.
6. Tune into Your Senses
There’s a lot to think about in life: school and work assignments, library due dates, taxes, birthdays, garbage pickup days. The list goes on and on. But if you think back to the sexiest experiences of your life, chances are you weren’t thinking very much during any of them. Instead, you were feeling. In today’s world, a lot of people are forgetting how to tap into their senses, and this has a definite effect on our sexuality.
A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that if you focus regularly on your senses of sight, smell, hearing and feeling, you’ll experience higher arousal levels and increased sexual satisfaction. One way you can train this is to choose one snack each day to eat slowly and mindfully. As you eat it, focus on its smell, taste and texture, as well as how it makes you feel emotionally. This sort of practice can make you feel more sensual and boost your libido immensely.
7. Focus on Sex
What we focus on determines our mood, and what we focus on in our relationships determines the tenor of those relationships. When you’re talking or texting with your partner, try steering away from the everyday to the romantic and sexy, at least some of the time. It only takes a moment, but it’s one of the best ways to boost desire—for both of you.
8. Get Adventurous
If you let sex fall into a rut where you always do the same thing in the same way on the same night each week, it won’t take long before you start getting bored up and losing interest. Mix things up a bit, and watch your sex drive increase before your eyes.