There are plenty of reasons to be in a romantic relationship, but sex ranks pretty high on that list. One of the main differences between a close platonic relationship and a romantic one is physical intimacy. Sex is not a magic cure-all for relationship problems, but having a quality and consistent sex life is a good measure of a relationship, and it can help keep a relationship stable. Men are often seen as the more sexual element of any relationship, while women make up the romantic side. Men get into relationships for sex, while women get into them for companionship, and the sex is just a nice byproduct. At least that is the popular perception of romantic relationships between men and women. The reality is much more complicated.
Is Sex More Important To Men?
The stereotype about men and women is that men are only interested in sex, and women are more interested in personality and a partner who can provide for them. Men get into relationships with women because he finds them attractive sexually, and the rest comes over time. Women get into relationships with men because they are attracted to his charm or other impressive qualities instead of his sexual attractiveness. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and it may be true that men are marginally more motivated by sex than women. However, this stereotype may be as much or more of a product of it’s own myth. We’ve always been told that men are sex-hungry cavemen, so we believe it.
The truth is that there isn’t any solid evidence to suggest that men think about sex any more than women do. Any kind of research done into the subject is hard to quantify – without reading the subject’s thoughts, researchers have to rely on the subject’s honesty when recording the frequency of their sexual thoughts. Even if the researchers could read their thoughts, the fact that the subjects knew they were being recorded would change the frequency of their sexual thoughts. Not to mention the deeper problem of confirmation bias. If a man has been told that men have more sexual thoughts than women, and he believes it, then it will seem to be true.
Men’s Desire and The Need For Sex
Assume that men and women both desire sex equally, and that sex is a desire, not a need. Both men and women can function perfectly fine their entire lives without sex. A good sex life is important to a thriving relationship because it builds intimacy and emotional bonds, but neither partner is going to die from lack of sex. That said, men have tricks they use to manipulate their partners into having sex.
Blue balls is a real thing. This is how it works: during arousal, there is increased blood flow to the penis and scrotum, causing them to become engorged. Pressure builds, and is released during ejaculation. If ejaculation doesn’t happen, especially after long periods of arousal, there can be discomfort and even pain.
Let’s make one thing clear, however: just because blue balls is a real thing, doesn’t mean it is a blank check for sex. Denying a man sex for any reason at all is not giving him blue balls, and it is not a reason to get upset. If a guy gets all worked up and excited, believing that he’s going to have sex, and then it doesn’t end up happening, that is his fault, not his partner’s. No one owes you sex, not even your committed partner. Guilting someone into having sex with you just because you are horny is super messed up. Don’t do it.
If a man’s partner intentionally arouses him for a long period of time or engages in sex, and then intentionally stops before he orgasms, he might have a case when he says she gave him blue balls. Even then, he should think twice before blaming her. Women come to climax during sex far less often than men do. The solution is to start thinking less about your own sexual satisfaction, and focus more on your partner’s. A sexual relationship where each partner is primarily concerned about the satisfaction of the other is almost certainly incredibly satisfying for both parties.
The Importance of Sex In A Relationship
A lack of sex in a relationship is a clear warning sign, especially if it’s not something that has been discussed by either partner. Not having sex is most likely a symptom of a deeper problem. There could be a barrier of communication or a lack of trust between partners that translates to a lack of intimacy. Both men and women desire sex (in most cases), so if it isn’t happening, both parties are going to notice.
If you’re not having sex, the most important thing you can do is talk about it with your partner. Have an open and honest discussion about why you’re not having sex, and what you can do about it. Sexual intimacy is important to the success of a healthy relationship, so restoring an active sex life is an important step toward building a more solid foundation. Remember that open and honest communication should extend to the bedroom. Sexual frustration may come from simple misunderstandings. If you want to try something new sexually, you need to voice it to your partner. No one can read minds, and the only way your partner will know about your sexual desires is if you say them out loud. As long as there is trust between the two of you, they will hear everything you have to say with an open mind.
Men and Women Both Want Sex
Don’t buy into the myth that sex is more important to men than it is to women. Both men and women exist on a spectrum of sexual desire, and no two people are the same. How much someone wants sex or needs it has very little to do with their gender. Moreover, using a presumed “need” for sex to guilt another person into having sex is emotional manipulation, and it is dangerous territory for any relationship. If you’re beginning to see sex as a resource you can obtain from your partner, you may need to adjust the way you think about intimacy. Prioritize your partner’s satisfaction above your own, and as long as there is trust and love between you, they will reciprocate.