It’s always a huge celebration when we meet someone special we can form an intimate bond with. Even better when you’re past the awkward stage and begin to settle in to a level of intimacy that feels safe so you can just be “yourself”.
However, sometimes when the “real” person emerges – it might not be pretty. If you are in a new relationship right now and sensing something isn’t quite right, read on for the 8 top signs your new love may not be right for you.
1. He’s More Peter Pan then a Prince
Dating a guy who’s spontaneous and wants to play all the time can be fun – for a period of time. Frequently changing jobs, being irresponsible with money and inability to think or plan his future is a sign of a guy who never wants to grow up.When you need him to be strong and stable in a crisis – he might not have the emotional maturity to handle it.
2. Lack of Communication
Men do tend to have less ability to communicate fully their inner most thoughts and feelings compared to women. However, if he’s often distancing himself emotionally or only expressing himself through moodiness and/ or silence, there’s a deeper problem going on.
3. He’s a Drama King
It’s a natural part of our life cycle to have good and bad times. But if you’re dating someone who seems to be the center of not only his own but other peoples crisis – you’re in a relationship with a Drama King. This will wear you down and zap your energy because the attention is always on him – not you.
4. Your Family and Friends Don’t Like Him
I’ve often shared with clients that friends and family are there to support and love you – but take relationship advice only from a professional. The one exception to this is when everyone who knows you best senses something “off” about your new guy – or just flat out doesn’t like him. If everyone you know is an agreement about this, I recommend taking it seriously (even though it may not feel great).
5. Controlling Behavior
This one can sneak up on you. A controlling partner is a lot like a slow-dripping tap. They slowly but steadily create a wall between you and everyone significant in your life. Suddenly you wake up one day and can’t remember the last time you connected with friends or family. Their need to control, jealousy and insecurity drives them to limit your “outside” world as much as possible. If your communication with those you love is waning or stopped – it’s time to revaluate this relationship.
6. Feeling Uncertain
I’ve shared many times that love should feel like home – not a hurricane. If you often feel anxious, uncertain and never know where you stand in the relationship, this is a red flag. You may also find you’re putting in all the effort, but he’s giving very little back.
7. Unresolved Past Relationships
We all bring a certain level of our “stuff” into relationships and will be triggered at different points for sure. But, if your new beloved is unable to admit where he made mistakes with past partners or continually blameshis ex as the reason things didn’t work out, it won’t be long before he’s pointing the finger at you. (You also want to watch for this behavior with his family and friendships that ended).
8. Abusive Behavior
This might be obvious, but sometimes we can miss it because this kind of behavior may not be directed at you – initially. He might be rude to waiters, family members, his mother or put on a smiling face in public, and then berate people when you’re alone together. Be aware and mindful of any clues he’s being abusive even mildly – oftentimes this behavior can escalate and eventually be directed at you.