Okay, sex is a touchy subject. Personal, intimate, and something most people enjoy, the idea of being bad at sex can be pretty offensive.
If you exhibit signs you are bad at sex though, why not try to get better? Better sex for you and your partner means more pleasure, more intimacy, and even better health in general. That’s right! Sex has a ton of health benefits.
To get most out of your sex life, learn the signs of bad sex to assess how you can improve.
1. You Get Distracted
Ever wondered what your phone was buzzing about while having intercourse? How about thinking through the grocery lists or your upcoming plans? It happens. You can easily engage in sex without engaging; it’s like turning on your autopilot mode and letting your mind wander elsewhere.
If you realize that you get distracted during sex, consider that a sign of a bad sexual relationship. Much of the pleasure of sex comes from being fully engaged. Good sex isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional, too.
- The more you focus on what’s going on and get involved, the more pleasurable and exciting sex will be for both you and your partner. So don’t turn your brain off and turn your attention elsewhere!
2. You’re Relieved When It’s Over
When sex is the best it can be, you won’t feel relief when it’s over. A sense of relief afterwards, in the way that you’re waiting for it to be done, is a sure sign that something’s going wrong while you’re getting intimate.
That may sound obvious, but many people use sex for stress relief or have sex out of a sense of obligation. As a result, the sex is just a basic action to meet a basic need. It can be so much more than that, though, when you allow yourself to become truly intimate.
- If you find yourself relieved after intercourse, take the time to assess what you’re feeling before and during sex. Maybe you’re relieved because you have sex at inconvenient times. Perhaps sex makes you feel self-conscious. Talk to your partner or a counselor to work out those negative sexual emotions so that you can have the pleasure you’re meant to enjoy.
3. It’s Just Sex to You
The term “getting intimate” is essentially synonymous with having sex. Unfortunately, bad sexual relationships are often marked by sex that is purely physical and lacking in intimacy. Because sex is, at its core, a physical act, you can engage without being intimately involved emotionally or relationally.
Good sex is usually connected to intimacy. In fact, sex and intimacy tend to build on each other. Separating sex from the intimacy of relationship and emotions can make the sex much less enjoyable and more painful.
- If you aren’t close to a sexual partner, for instance, you are likely to feel more tense or self-conscious around them–even during sex. That means a weaker performance overall and often more pain afterwards.
4. One or Both of You Aren’t Hitting a Climax
One of the keys to having good sex is for both you and your partner to have an orgasm. Believe it or not, many people regularly have sex without ever reaching their climax. Though climax is much easier to “fake” or settle with “close enough” as a woman, men can also perform sexually without having a full orgasm.
This can be a sign of a lot of other problems. From issues with your sexual organs to indications that a certain position isn’t working well, if you find that you or your partner aren’t both reaching a climax, it’s time to talk.
- Start by talking to each other to figure out if the problem is something you can work on together. You might just need to guide each other and communicate more while getting intimate. If making changes together doesn’t work, consult your doctor.
5. You Are In Pain Afterwards
You know you have a bad sex life if pain makes you wish you didn’t have a sex life at all! Or, even frequently. More commonly a problem for women, pain during or after sex is a sign of bad sex.
- Painful sex can be a result of bad positioning or a lack of a partner knowing when they’ve done too much or gone too far. In other cases, painful sex is the result of any number of medical issues. Talk to a doctor if you and your partner can’t find a way to make sex more comfortable or if the pain is intense.