What qualities do men notice in women beyond their physical appearances? In a world filled with media images of “perfect women,” it’s hard to imagine that anything else is as important as how we look. We were curious about this, so we did some research. What we found may surprise you.
A woman that is empathetic is by nature very understanding and most likely quite forgiving. Men find this trait attractive because so often women are stereotyped as demanding or nagging. An empathetic girlfriend or wife is more likely to be a good listener and will be able to put herself in her partner’s shoes to understand him better. An empathetic partner will also be more likely to take their man’s side in a disagreement or come to his defense when he needs you in his corner.
There is a fine line between being agreeable and being someone’s doormat. Men like agreeable women, as there are most likely fewer arguments or disagreements that couples typically have. Since most men have difficulty expressing their emotions, having a highly agreeable partner gets them out of some otherwise heated debates that they simply are not mentally equipped to handle. This being said, being a man’s doormat or staying in a relationship where you never have any say is not going to earn you any respect at all; in fact, allowing ourselves to be treated like our opinions are wrong or don’t matter is just plain dysfunctional. Being agreeable is fine, but we all still need to set boundaries.
Women who are selfless in nature probably remind their male partner of his self-sacrificing mother. This is not necessarily a horrible thing; there are healthy limits to which you can be compared to his mother and it not be completely insulting. A growing boys’ relationship with his mother is a very unique bond, exactly like the bond shared between fathers and daughters. The mother-son relationship sets the tone for what that boy will seek in a mate when he is grown, and most mothers are totally self-sacrificing and selfless when raising their children. Naturally men will be drawn to women who are the same way. It is possible, however, to be self-sacrificing to a fault. If you give up who you are as an individual just to stay in a relationship, you’ve taken it way too far. Again, healthy boundaries are necessary for any healthy, happy relationship.
A study by relationship guru John Gottman showed that the number one complaint of men in long-term relationships is that nothing they do for their woman ever seems good enough. When a man (or anyone for that matter) feels under-appreciated, they become more distant and much less motivated to keep trying to please you. Being appreciative of your man and the things he does for you is very important if you want a long and happy relationship, just remember that this rule goes both ways. If you are the one who feels under-acknowledged or underappreciated, then start a conversation with your man. Let him know how you feel. It’s best to get things out in the open so that the problem can be addressed at the source.
Being a Good Listener
This trait goes hand in hand with being empathetic. Being a good listener means closing your mouth, tightly if necessary, and let your man get out what he’s trying to say. Even if you think you understand what he’s saying in two sentences, let him finish. Men don’t always talk about things that bother them, so if he’s coming to you with a problem it means something big. Active listening means that the listener repeats back to the person talking what they understand the problem to be. This will either reinforce the fact that you do understand, or lead your man to further explain so that you get where he’s coming from. You want to confirm what they are saying and feeling, but without giving any advice until they ask for it. They may not need you to “fix” anything. They may just need you to listen.
Last but not least, just be yourself. This may seem obvious, but if it’s one thing a man cannot stand, it is thinking he knows a woman only for her to show her true colors and disappoint, disenchant or make him want to disengage. Trying to be someone you’re not is impossible to sustain for very long. Acting, dressing or even speaking a certain way just to keep a man’s attention is such a colossal waste of time. Not only that, but most men catch on fairly quickly that you’re not being genuine and any trust or respect he had for you will go straight out the window.
Have enough respect for yourself to be who you really are. In fact, the moment you start being yourself, you will begin attracting the right people into your life and those people will like the real you, not some fake façade that you portray trying to impress other people. You need to believe in yourself enough to let the real you shine through. That is what men are going to like and respect the most.
Article. 2014. “Top 10 Proven Traits Men Desire in Women” on AskMen.com. http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-proven-traits-men-desire-in-women_1.html. Internet. Retrieved 5 December 2014.
Katie. 2014. “20 Tips on How to Make a Guy Fall in Love With You.” http://allwomenstalk.com/20-tips-on-how-to-make-a-guy-fall-in-love-with-you. Internet. Retrieved 5 December 2014.