Dictionary.com defines intimacy as “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” Nowhere in that definition does it say anything about having sex. Sex and intimacy are two different things altogether.
Intimacy strengthens the bond between two people who are in a relationship. Intimacy in a relationship is probably more important than the act of sex in many ways. And moments of intimacy can be quite sexy as well!
In this article, we explore ways to create true intimacy as we list 10 ways to help you along; they might be especially helpful if your relationship has become a bit rocky.
1. Look Deep Into My Eyes
My husband and I did this once and it can almost be as intimidating as it is intimate. Lie in bed with your partner and just look at one another. Don’t talk, don’t touch, just look into your partner’s eyes. Notice their color, their sparkle, and any natural flecks or specks in the iris. Try to synchronize your breathing with theirs. After some time, initiate some laid back conversation about hopes and dreams but don’t allow this conversation to drift into financial matters or other everyday problems.
2. I Wanna Hold Your Hand
There’s a lot to be said about hand holding. We’re not talking about holding hands as you sit on the couch (which is fine); we're talking about gently playing with fingers, lightly brushing skin, kissing fingers. Holding hands is very sexy and many people see hand holding as a sign of affection and love.
3. Let’s Take a Nap Together
A nap with your significant other is not only intimacy without intercourse, but you'll awake more refreshed and more relaxed than taking a nap sans partner. There’s something comforting about napping together, snuggled in each others arms. You feel like a child again, being held by a parent, safe and cared for and, of course, loved.
4. Go on a “Cheap Date”
Even if you're a millionaire, there's something about a cheap date that's wonderfully romantic and intimate. Have a picnic in the park or a place special to the both of you. Drink wine out of Dixie cups. Go get a hot dog or Thai food; then go to a $5 movie. Go out in the country with a bottle of wine and do some stargazing. When was the last time you went roller or ice skating? Sometimes the simplest things are the most memorable, the most fun, and the most intimate.
5. You Read Me Like a Book
This might not sound very intimate but, believe me, it is. My husband and I have occasional Bible studies together and, believe it or not, it is very intimate. We are studying the Word together then contemplating the meaning if what is being said. You don’t need to do this with the Bible. Try reading from an old classic, perhaps a romantic fiction by Austen, or a sexy current novel like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” It doesn't matter the book; pick something together and read with one another a few nights a week.
6. Deep Thoughts
Sit down and talk philosophy, or ask “what if” questions over a bottle of wine. Intimacy comes from the fact that you might get to know your partner a little bit better if you learn more about their thoughts on a variety of matters. Try not to get too political or religious, especially if you're from different camps. You want intimacy, not a knock down, drag out argument!
7. Shake and Bake
For some couples, cooking can be a great way to become more intimate. Share ideas of what you're going to cook. Delegate who does what but work together as a team. Maybe have a food fight, if the mood is right. Cooking, food and sex go together like cake and ice cream—why not cooking and intimacy?
8. Touchy Feely
Touch in a relationship is vitally important and perhaps you've gotten out of ”touch” with touching. Hug one another often, kiss (even if it's a peck on the cheek), stroke his or her cheek, mess with his or her hair. Just a little touching throughout the day, in small amounts, goes a long way in re-establishing your intimate relationship.
If you find that your relationship is on the rocks, you might want to consider counseling. A certified sex therapist can be found in your area by going to www.aasect.org, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.