Picture this: It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re anticipating an intimate, romantic evening with your partner. You envision soft lighting, candles, roses, and chocolates—maybe even a poem written especially for you. Then, your beloved arrives home with a 6-pack of beer and a video, and he can’t figure out why you’re upset because he thought you wanted to spend more time together.
Is this resonating for you?
Unfortunately my fictional story is actually a big reality for many couples everywhere. So why does Valentine’s Day often feel like a pressure cooker about to explode?
For women, we want our relationships to feel like one long never-ending date overall—so V-Day comes with high expectations. We also think men can read our minds, and assume men are “tuned in” to the dreamy, romantic picture we’ve created in our head of everything we want them to do on the most romantic day of the year.
Then for men, they’re never completely clear about how to make a woman happy, so they can feel the expectation and pressure from their mate build as Valentine’s approaches. Of course men just don’t have the superpower ability to read our minds – and often feel like they’re walking into a minefield. They’re afraid to fail and disappoint you.
Good news! A man’s whole world revolves around making you happy! And really, all he needs is a bit of direction.
So let’s explore some ways you can turn this all around…
Release Limiting Beliefs
If you want a man to knock it out of the park for you on V-Day, your first step is to release the belief that it’s not romantic if you have to tell him what you want. Like I said, he can’t read your mind – so give him at least a bit of direction. Things like, if you feel like hanging at home or going out, the type of food you want, etc—and include you want surprises!
Feel Proud to Ask for What You Want
If you’re like many women, you might have some fear about asking for what you want. Maybe you’re used to producing everything for yourself, or you don’t feel worthy or deserving of receiving attention. Use this special day (when men most expect some requests!) to ask. Just take baby steps!
A common way we women ask for what we want is through what I call “hints & innuendos.” When we want to go on a trip, we leave a brochure of Hawaii on the table. Or, we want him to buy us lingerie, and rather then ask him, we casually mention “a new lingerie shop opened downtown”—and expect him to get the ‘hint.’ You may have noticed also, this does not register for guys! So, the moral of the communication story is to clearly express what you want… J
Create a Want List
A great tip I share with my clients who might be feeling a bit gun-shy about asking is to sit down and create a list of all the things you want. This list can include both material items as well as experiences. Things like date night once a week, a new dress, a walk on the beach – whatever your heart desires. Then put your list up on the fridge where he can’t miss it. This is such a fun way to provide a clear roadmap for him to make you happy!
BONUS TIP: Fun V-Day Idea to Give Him
If you want a more intimate evening and/or you’re on a budget, rather than go out for dinner, why not create the most romantic city in the world (Paris) at home? Ask him to pick up (or make) French food, buy French wine, lay out a white and red checkered tablecloth on the living room floor and play Edith Piaf music in the background. So fun, yes? Get him to take care of everything while you lay in a hot bubble bath. Now that’s romantic!