We’ve all met this type of woman. I often refer to her as the "Martha Stewart" type. She lives to organize things – whether it’s the napkin drawer, files, schedules, screws in the garage or her friend’s love lives. We all marvel at how much she can get done – and always have her home looking photo-shoot ready.
Am I describing you?
If I am, then you fall into one of the 8 common types of lovers: The Perfectionist.
For us mere mortals, we are drawn to you because you inspire us to be, do or have something better. Your strength, determination and ability to achieve all your goals help us elevate our own standards on many levels.
As wonderful as these qualities are, there is also a "shadow" side to this personality. Some of the less serving qualities are:
- You have trouble committing to a relationship
- You’re hard on yourself and those around you
- You have workaholic tendencies and often feel depressed
- Despite numerous achievements, you feel like a failure
- You’re always in the future, so have a hard time enjoying the present
In romantic partnerships, you tend to approach it like everything else in your life, which is to look for ways to tweak or improve it. The timing of the relationship, the way the house is kept, how the children are raised or furniture is arranged. Perfectionists have very clear ideas about exactly how things should be done.
Although this way of being is perfectly normal to you, it can create problems in a relationship. Potential lovers are turned off and spouses become frustrated because your high and ever-changing standards make it nearly impossible to make you happy or fulfill you completely.
A man’s entire universe revolves around making a woman happy. So being romantically involved with a Perfectionist feels like an ongoing uphill battle that he never wins. When a man continually feels like a failure, he’ll leave or find a woman to date that he can make happy.
So what can you do to create more balance?
One thing you must embrace is that everyone is flawed – including you. No matter how perfectly you fold those napkins, organize the garage or other people’s lives, other people cannot be perfected.
So a man can improve, shift or change some things, but ultimately he will end up doing what suits him. My point being, the only person you’re responsible for is you. The more you can relax and allow a man to just BE (flaws and all), the more joy, intimacy and love will be available to you in romantic partnerships.
Healing Tips to Create Balance
Relax Your Standards
When things come up that you perceive are not “perfect” about your partner ie: their late, didn’t bring flowers, forgot the dry cleaning etc..allow yourself to hold the thought “Everyone is entitled to make a mistake”.
Trying to even conceive of this possibility might trigger you – but stay with me here. Men love to play the role of providing – they live to be the ‘producer’ in relationships. So let him do that – a LOT. Let him take you on a picnic or plan the weekend away. The more you relinquish control, the more useful he’ll feel – and love you more for it.
Shift Your Focus
To help you ease up on the tendency to view the man in your life as continual improvement project, focus on what’s good about him. Being in a place of gratitude for who is and what he does will shift your focus from what’s not working – to appreciating why you’re attracted to him in the first place.