It can happen to the best of us. You’re dating a man and the connection, conversation and intimacy is at an all-time high. Then he suddenly withdraws. He’s not calling as much. He’s distracted when he’s with you or suddenly “busy” all the time and can’t see you.
Talk about taking the wind out of your sails, yes?
A natural reaction is to panic. The truth is though, there could be any number of reasons why a man does this. He might be having a tough time at work, financial challenges or – the reason you might fear the most– he’s lost interest in having a relationship with you.
Please know, the possible reasons are too numerable to list out here. But, how you choose to respond to him pulling back will make a big difference. It’s impossible to truly get inside a man’s mind and find out what he’s thinking when he pulls away. You can’t control him or what he does, but you can manage your energy (and sanity!) in the process.
Here are my three top tips to support you:
1. Avoid Making it About You
Often the first thing many women do when a man pulls back is point the blame finger at themselves. You might start to wonder if you said or did something wrong, or if you’re doing enough, or maybe you doubt your own attractiveness. As I mentioned, there could be any number of reasons why he’s gone into his cave – that have nothing to do with you. Rather than judge yourself or jump to conclusions, step back and give him his space.
2. Resist Going Into Hot Pursuit
When connection and intimacy are at an all-time high – then suddenly plummet – a woman’s first response is often to start chasing after a man. Calling, emailing and coming up with meaningless excuses to connect are all behaviors driven by your fear that you’ve lost him. You would never poke a bear with a stick while in its cave, and the same applies with men. Let him ‘hibernate’ and allow him to come out when he’s ready.
3. Reconnect with Friends
In my experience, the biggest reason men pull away is often because his connection with you stirred up intense feelings and he’s unsure how to deal with them. Rather than display his vulnerability in front of you, he prefers to withdraw so he can figure it out on his own. This is a perfect opportunity for you to reconnect with all those friends that dropped off the radar when your man entered the picture. Go out, have bubble baths, go shopping and just enjoy this new found “me" time.
Bottom line, men and their emotions are like a rubber band. Being in a relationship with a woman often stretches them beyond what they can handle. When he bounces back though to a woman who never made it about her, did not pursue him and enjoyed herself while he was gone – that is a very attractive woman to come back to.
And, if he doesn’t bounce back – that’s good too! He helped you make room for the right man to step onto your soulmate path.