You finally gained the confidence to ask that special someone on a date, and they said yes! As you prepare for your date, you start to feel excited, but nervous that you might screw something up. You go through all the situations that could go right or wrong in your mind; this might just psych you out. Breathe. Relax. Allow yourself to soften in your body and be fully present to who you are (which is you—amazing!). If you’re nervous, that’s a good thing. It means you care. Nervous is just the flipside of excited, so allow yourself to be excited and put in that extra bit of attention and care.
When you’re prepping for the first date, allow yourself to enjoy it. Here we’re arming you with the eight common mistakes people make on the first date—so you can step into doing the things that’ll have you setting up that second date in no time!
These are your eight common don’ts—so you can get the do’s right.
It is your first date, so you do want to make a good impression with how you look, but there is a line that you can cross. If it is just a casual date, like a movie or coffee date, don’t show up in your $300 dress or suit. That said, if you want to plan a fancy night because both of you are feeling adventurous and want to explore the town, wear something flattering but comfortable. Also keep in mind what the weather—dress for it and you’ll be able to enjoy the time with your new date! If it’s cold outside, don’t wear your short dress or leave without a coat. Wear what’s comfortable and consider all the factors—then you can focus on what’s important: your date!
Talking About Your P.E.E.R’s
First dates are a great way to get to know each other. All good relationships start with amazing communication skills and you want to be able to talk about anything. There are some things though that are better left unsaid—steer clear of talking about these on your first date: Politics, Ex, Economics and Religion. These topics will eventually come up through the relationship, but they can be controversial. If you are not comfortable talking about them with people you just met, you will not be comfortable talking about them on your first date. Keep your conversations lighthearted, yet connected and authentic, so you can keep your first date exciting, real and fun!
Being Rude to Wait Staff
They say you can tell a lot about people by the way they treat wait staff—and this is especially true on a first date. If your evening out consists of dinner and a movie, you really want to be kind to everyone you encounter, especially the wait staff. Being rude to the people who serve you is one of those the biggest reasons people don’t get offered a second date (not to mention it’s just plain, well, rude). Your date could pick up on the little things, like not saying please and thank you, but they will obviously feel embarrassed if you start yelling at the wait staff for messing up an order, making fun of them, or being dismissive. These are habits you’ll probably want to squash anyways, because life is better when you are kind to all who come across your path—especially those who serve you. If your date sees this kind of bad behavior (or being rude to anyone for that matter), you’ll likely find yourself without a second date.
Flaunting Your Wealth
Money’s a great thing and if you’re wealthy, that’s wonderful. It’s likely though that your date agreed to go out with you because of your personality, not your money. Just like there is a line you can cross when dressing up in fancy digs, there is also a line you can cross spending money on your first date. If you buy your date a very expensive dinner, then shower them with gifts, it may seem like you want something in return, and that’s not a vibe you want to put out there (ever), and especially on a first date. Overspending or flaunting your wealth could make your date uncomfortable, and you want to have that connected feeling that’s about more than just money. If you are in New York, check out these hot spots to take your date!
It may seem obvious, but when you hang around negative people, you start feeling that energy and it brings down your mood. If your date asks you questions and your responses are bleak, depressing or just generally negative, they may feel bad for you—and they may want to hightail it out of there as quickly as they can! Smile, be light, enjoy—you’re on your first date! Smile when speaking with your date, give upbeat answers and look for ways to make the date fun. If your date sees you care about being positive and keeping light in the night, you’ll elevate their levels of positivity, too! Their mood will meet or exceed your level, which will make it a successful, or at least fun, date!
Bringing Up Medication/Diseases
This is a tough one. Medication, disease or illness is real, and you can’t control if you’ve got a medical condition. It’s a journey in your life, and one you’ve got to deal with. Bringing it up on a first date though? Not the best idea. Your illness or disease doesn’t define you—and talking about it on a first date may be put a tough situation out there that your date isn’t ready yet to handle. They’re just getting to know you.
Get a read on them as to who they are as a person first. If you can feel their caring nature, you may bring it up sooner, rather than later. Or, you may feel best to share that information as your relationship progresses. You’ll know what’s right for you; just be aware that on a first date, you’re literally just getting started! As you get to know them better, and if you end up dating long-term, you’ll be able to talk about everything. With personal subjects like that, it’s all about the timing.
Talking About Marriage or Wanting Children
Woah, Nelly! This is a big no-no. If you are bringing up how you want to get married or have kids one day, and it is your first date, you will more than likely scare your date away! They may want the same thing—eventually—but that first date is really about getting to know one another. Sharing your desire for marriage or kids is pretty much like jumping from beginner to advanced—don’t do it. It usually doesn’t turn out well. Bringing up this topic can really sway what might be an otherwise great date, all because you jumped to the destination of what you’re hoping for, instead of just enjoying the journey. Keep the marriage- and kid-talk at bay, and let everything progress naturally.
Bringing Up Sex
It’s one of those hot, incredible things you’ll surely enjoy—after you’ve been on more than the just the first date! If you bring up sex before your date even gets to know you on a truly personal level, you’re setting the stage for them to think that’s all the relationship will be. If you’re looking for a purely sexual relationship, all the power to you, however, if you want an all-around relationship that includes intimacy, partnership and well, relationship, you probably want to sidestep the sex talk on the first date. Get to know your new date that night, and wait until the time is right; when you know each other on the heart and soul level, then when you bring up sex (and have it), it’ll be that much more enjoyable.
Hop into that first date and leave all these mistakes behind—you’ll be well on the right track to getting your second date. Especially if you’re really into that special someone, you’ll want to follow these rules. Have fun, be yourself and get to know that someone new. You never know—they could just be your soulmate!